Writing Blog

October 3, 2004

German-style porn TV

Filed under: Society,TV — Rafael Minuesa @ 8:16 AM
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sick and tired of watching rubbish on Spanish TV, I have recently purchased a satellite receiver. I didn’t want to subscribe to any pre-paid channels, and instead decided to explore what was out there for free. From Southern Spain there are several satellites you can point your dish at, but I was advised to choose Astra 19, because of its larger offer of available free channels. Well, that much is true, but what the technician didn’t tell me is that over half of them are German. The reason being that in Germany, by law, even local TV stations must broadcast its signal in digital, suitable for carrying it outspace (a very intelligent initiative, indeed).

And so, I started to explore the universe of free satellite TV. On a first scan I got over 300+ channels, but after a filtering that took days, I settled for less than 20 (CBS, CNN, MTV, Lonely Planet, a few Spanish local stations, and an assorted lot that included RAI, TV5, Euronews, Eurosport, etc.). Out of more than 150 German channels, I ended up bookmarking only one that run mostly English, French and German nature documentaries, plus another few that aired sex-oriented late-night “shows?”. Two weeks later I accidentally erased the memory of the receiver and had to start all over again. It was a painful exercise having to waddle again through all those uninspiring products of German mentality.

Naturally, I can’t speak any German, mostly because I never had any need to, never been to Germany or Austria (neither I intend to in a foreseeable future), and besides, life’s too short to learn a language that is so slipshod and systemless (“Deutsche Sprache, schwere Sprache”). And they all speak good English, anyway.

Nonetheless, I’ve met literally hundreds of German nationals, although you can count with the fingers of one hand the ones that I would call friends. As soon as you start traveling around the world, you’ll come to realize that they’re unavoidable. They are everywhere, usually in groups, and even though they appear to be very well-informed and do take a genuine interest in learning the local language and culture, they’re not really interested in interacting. They’d rather take the researcher’s attitude, studying the specimen and its habitat from a safe distance, always comparing it to what they’ve got back home, constantly pointing out whatever doesn’t fare well.

As I write this post, Canal2 Andalucia is gifting its audience with Baghdad Cafe, starring Marianne Sagebrecht, and I have to admit that I like her. A lot.

But back to German-style porn TV. No need to master the language to get the message. Same explicit ads, repeated over-and-over-again in series of 4 or 5, featuring some unbearable ugly characters, that produced in me the opposite effect of a turn-on.
One of them ads specially dazzled me: A disgusting blonde, legs wide open to the camera, with only one of those pamelas topped with artificial flowers for an outfit, sticks out her tongue as if she was at the practitioners’ being checked for malaises. Red letters “strategically” positioned covering the patient’s private lower parts, repeatedly flash the word ROMANTIK.
Well, maybe I’ve just got it wrong during all these years, but I have always believed “Romantic” meant a different thing.
I dare not to guess what their idea of dirty sex would be then.

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